Five steps can make dating a person who lives away from you as easy as riding a bicycle. You just have to learn how to use psychology. Now, I don’t mean the kind we use to manipulate or hurt someone. I’m talking about the psychology that helps us in understanding another person so well that we can almost predict their next action or statement.
Everybody is unique and different in their own way. That is why dating is so complicated. One thing is the same for all of us and it’s our emotions. We all feel pain, grief, happiness, loss, love, lust, etc. Psychology helps us in relationships and dating because we learn what sparks these emotions in the other person and we do it by learning about ourselves.
Here are 5 Easy Steps that will = Success:
1. Talk, but remember to listen. People have been saying for years just how important communication is in any relationship and it is the TRUTH! This becomes especially important in disagreements/arguments. Psychology tells us that arguing/blaming/put-downs will always lead to the other person feeling like a victim. This is when the pouting child comes out in all of us. You might notice a change in body language. They may have a more tense posture; crossed arms, or a look of betrayal. The person who is pouting is no longer listening…they have switched into a defensive mode and have converted all of their brain power to thinking of a way to argue. For us who date in distance…your phone line may fall silent for many awkward minutes (We can’t see the body language, but we hear it all too well). If you make the mistake of forcing your other person into this mode…let them calm down and then do the right thing. Keep your tone low and talk as if you are speaking to your equal. You don’t have to agree or be perfectly the same, but you do need to acknowledge that the other person has a differing opinion and is entitled to it.
2. Think before you speak. This is a tip that will keep you out of a lot of trouble. I believe a lot of us have trouble finding the right words. Some have more problems than the rest of us, so also remember to have some mercy for your person. Think before you speak…it says it all. It often sounds nice as it flashes in your head, but you speak it and you can’t figure out what you were thinking. The problem is that you weren’t thinking. When you have something important to say…think how you would feel hearing your words if you were the other person. This is where you have to learn that understanding you is essential in understanding someone else. You feel and they feel.
3. Make time to see each other. We all lead such busy lives anymore. Sometimes, it seems as if there are not enough hours in the day to half of what I have to do. People now have to balance work, school, family, friends, relationships/dating, and time for themselves. It is very hard to resist the lazy urge that says we can’t make time for even one more thing. You might feel physically and mentally tired, but relationships take work. Plus, the emotional satisfaction you get from being around a significant other is always worth the little extra work. A hint: You don’t always have to dine over candlelight or spend large sums of money. Make time to call them during a lunch break. Surprise them by showing up randomly…make sure it’s convenient.
4. Show you care. This sounds so corny and maybe a little too obvious to most, but it is complicated. Many people have expectations that will show how much a person cares. You should be able to learn what is important to your person just by listening. Those intimate talks snuggled under a warm blanket or watching a new flick are not just fillers for when the movie is getting boring or you’re not making out. They are helpful little tips that will tell you what they like or dislike. It’s also good to try new things even if you’re not sure they will like it. Hint: I’m not a flower girl, but I absolutely loved the gesture. Also, remember what they say to you, especially when you see that cute little twinkle glistening in their eyes-It is important to them. Basically, anything that shows you took the time to think about that special person is a great way to show you care.
5. Don’t give up-let them know the relationship is worth it to you. Long-distance relationships are tough enough. They don’t need to become any harder by one person deciding that the difficulty is just too much for them. Most of these relationships fail and not because the people were unhappy with the other person. They usually just give up on trying. Many hours are spent talking on the phone or over the Internet. That means there are a lot less hours of actually being together and seeing one another. Some people can’t handle being away from the person they are dating for so long. That feeling only gets worse as the relationship grows, so it is important to not give up. You have to work harder. Let the other person know that you miss them and want to see them. Let them know that they are worth it to you and that you wouldn’t give up on them. That will help them through their tougher times away from you.
I hope these tips will be useful to you. Just don’t stop talking and listening. Try finding what makes you and your person so great. Not even distance can come between two people who are truly happy and want to be together. As they say: “love will find a way.”