Knowing Your Love Through The Curtain of Inebriative Dysfunctionality
Many people in their dating lives go through the above condition for the first weeks or months of their relationship. Most would say: “Why not! Parteee.” But when you look at Dating as the place where relationships grow, possible marital states begin, “dateaholism” is a kind of wrong-headed physical way of getting to “know you”.
The “Curtain of Inebriative Dysfunctionality” is a semi humorous description of the fact that many of us have to begin our relationships apologizing through a maze of mistakes, overstatements, sloppy kisses and near fights as you fight through the spider web of boozy attempts to begin to understand this precious person that you might eventually call “My Love”.
It is a difficult road to get off of, once you a relying on the way alcohol seems to knock off the edges of tension and add a glow of charm, that really isn’t there. It’s the American Way of celebrating, but sometimes it cuts into the edge of romance in a way that we do not expect.
The First Date
Let’s just call the First Date that time that we hope to get through without regret, in which we both help each other through the nerves with generous amounts of exotic, pretty, sweet drinks, half of which are named with soft porn language and other numb skull appellations.
It starts with the guy hoping the girl will drink generously. He wants her to be nervous, so he can splash the colored drinks or bubbly this or that down his throat without much notice. If either restrains themselves, this itself causes a new level of nerves! Are they a teetotaler? Then he quickly volunteers that he will be the Designated Driver, because “I wasn’t gonna drink much anyway.”
So, then he says, “We’re callin’ a Cab, OK?” Turns out that’s what she was nervous about. They give each other a high five and start pulling out the credit card.
Nothing much happened, but that’s OK. We had to get through the First Date, and it turns out, that was the main goal. Both of them feel better about each other and the First Date. They think they like each other pretty much. After all they don’t hate each other, and they are still attracted to each other. Goal Number One accomplished.
The Next Dates
They go OK. They avoid snapping at each other after an argument about “when to have kids”. This was an argument neither wished to have, but they drank much that night. Sporting affairs, movies, dinner, a family picnic – they all seemed to go by without too much negativity. Then one night she asked: “Does it seem to you that we are never sober when we talk? This made him feel a bit uncomfortable because he kind of agreed with her. “Yeah, you know, it’s like we got into a habit of really slamming it down”. But then they stopped talking about it, and noticed that each of them slowed down a little. To add a little consciousness to the enterprise, let’s meet next time and be totally sober the whole time. What do you think?”
“Totally? Duuuuude!” They laugh.
The gentleman liked it when drink was not discussed. Booze and women. It’s an age old issue, and he wanted to benefit from the situation. They proceeded happily, but not thrillingly. She started asking herself how authentic their relationship was. He wondered how much fun she really was without booze in her. Then that “Kids” question came up. It’s just something people tend to find out, even if they are not talking about getting married. One of those questions that is heaped together with drugs, rock and roll, sports teams, religion and politics. Then the night turned into The Wrong Night.
The Wrong Night
They started snapping at each other because she was on edge. He tried to find out why. Then she made an allusion to kids. Then to smooth things, he doubled up on her booze. “We’re not talking about how many kids to have in some theoretical possible marriage. We’re talking about having kids in nine months.”
His jaw dropped, and her smile did not appear. “It seems like you and I have been a little bit amateur about our boozy get togethers. You know what I mean? It was just a scare. But one of those scares that tells you how to go straight.”
Sometimes there are three of us in bed. “You and me and Mr. Booze” He confessed thoughtfully. It’s like we have “Dateaholism”. She smiled as she folded her hands. It was like she was on a cloud of quiet in the loud and clanking Diner. “Why don’t we try some sobriety on for size?” He beamed “Worth a try.”
They went on for weeks and months. Got more real with each other, and did not have any more “scares”. They still see each other. Their “dateaholic” behavior and “near miss” had put a damper on things. Neither of them is done with the other. But they both say they know each other much better than those early crazy days. They are going to “Big Bear” in a month to rekindle old fires.